My Boyfriend is a Monster: My Boyfriend Bites by Dan Jolley and Alitha E. Martinez

Vanessa Shingle just likes to make people the best that they can be, kind of like the army except without the training or the ability to better people's lives. So what if her last three boyfriends/projects all ended up worse off than before? If they'd listened to her they wouldn't have ended up in jail/military school/unemployed. Which brings us to her latest fixer-upper: Jean-Paul. He's gorgeous, a literal life-saver, and turns into a bat. As things get more freaky, Vanessa learns that she has a destiny to fulfill and that the scariest things in life are not a bad first date.

This is the third book in the My Boyfriend is a Monster series. Each is a standalone book that depicts a different monster: Frankenstein, zombie, ghosts, etc. Ari read the first one I Love Him to Pieces and enjoyed it. I found this to be really intolerable.

I'm going to guess that Vanessa is supposed to have somewhat of a victim mentality at the beginning of the book and then grows into this warrior woman. I thought that she was just lame. As in needs to work on herself before she works on anyone else because she has MAJOR issues, I mean who really goes out of their way to date losers? What happens if the loser boys had improved themselves? Does she then continue to date them or then dump them so that she can go 'help' someone else? Also Jean-Paul really needs to work on keeping his were-bat-hood secret a secret. And his pseudo-relationship with Vanessa completely weirded me out. It developed strangely fast and yet they didn't really spend all that much time together.

It didn't help that the artwork was not my favorite. Jean-Paul kind of reminds me of the lead singer from Metalocalypse and Vanessa's lips are distractingly puffy. They are bigger than Angelina Jolie's. Weird. But what really sank this for me was the it was a strange amalgamation of Buffy tropes and Twilight characters. Except not as well done, which is pretty sad because let's be honest Twilight is not Stoker's Dracula.

So two very different reactions to this series. I will not be reading anymore of this series, because I thought it was awful.

Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by Beth Fantaskey

Jessica is starting her senior year of high school, and while her goal isn't to be Miss Popular she would like to get out from underneath the thumb of social ineptitude. She has seemingly insurmountable obstacles: her parents are weird cultural anthropologists and she can't seem to shake the math nerd stigma. Then comes along Lucius Vladescu - gorgeous, European, vampire prince, and intent on making Jessica realize that she's the vampire princess of a Romanian clan she's never met and destined to be his wife. It seems that life couldn't get more complicated until you throw in high school bullies with conniving intelligence, Lucius's fight with his darker side, a sweet normal boy who just doesn't seem as interesting anymore, and Jessica's own denial about who she is. Senior year is going to push Jessica right into the lime-light.

You would think that this would be right up my alley. Vampires, high school, Europe.... nope. Not even close. I got really uninterested right around page 87. My disbelief overcame me and started asking nasty questions like (spoilers ahead):

Inside Out by Maria V. Snyder

Trella is a scrub on the first level of the Inside. She is one among tens of thousands that work in the lower levels that keep their society running smoothly. While Trella psychologically survives by keeping to herself in the pipes, other scrubs like her only friend Cogon look to prophets that speak of Outside and a Gateway that will free them. Eventually Trelly is persuaded to meet with the newest prophet Broken Man, who has requested her by name. It seems that he used to be an Upper, someone who lives on the second or higher levels. Scrubs both hate Uppers for the their seemingly posh lifestyle and fear as the population cops or Pop Cops who deal out them punishments are all Uppers. Broken Man manages to pique Trella's curiosity via Cogon to go and steal some discs that he has left in his room on the fourth level. It isn't long before Trella is immersed in an intrigue that could take down the entire system that she has grown up in. She'll need all the help she can get from of Logan and Anne-Jade twin Tech Nos who allow her to ghost around the technology of the upper levels, Jacy an information shark who doesn't like her much, and Riley a smart Upper who is starting to mean more to her; as Cogon has been captured by the Pop Cops and slated for execution. With all the scrubs hope resting on her shoulders, will finding the Gateway give Trella the answers she seeks?

The Poisons of Caux: The Tasters Guild by Susannah Appelbaum

I apologize for taking so long to write my reviews, and to be honest a couple of them have since been published, but in my defense I wasn't super stoked about a couple of them and had to work up the enthusiasm to start. On with the reviews!

This is a sequel which started with The Hollow Beetle, when I went to the stall at the ALA conference, I was told that this could be read as a standalone. HA! Let me give you the fast summary of the first book that was at the beginning of The Taster's Guild: Caux is a land that used to be known for its healing knowledge, now a tyrant is ruling and poisons dictate your position in the new regime of which Ivy our protagonist is a prodigy. Ivy is a noble and is given two food tasters to keep her safe, both whom have hidden agendas. Ivy is not satisfied with the status quo and secretly starts learning healing potions, which get her into trouble with the Taster's Guild (the power behind the throne), and lead her to discover that she is the Noble Child that is destined to save the rightful king and restore the kingdom to its healing glory.

Now onto the plot of the sequel. A very talented forger has taken mystical texts from the Tasters Guild, and his knowledge of creating the books has caught the attention of the deadly Tasters Guild. It seems by creating such perfect copies of the original texts, that he has stumbled upon a deadly plant that could end up destroying the entire land. It eats away at the land and drives people crazy as it kills them. In the mean time Ivy has been learning greater healing knowledge of healing through regimented apothecary lessons. She becomes impatient to begin her quest to find the king and heal him so that the kingdom can be restored to greatness. With the help of her friends she is able to escape her home and head towards the magical gateway that is supposed to lead her to the alternate reality where the king is being hidden. Unfortunately the only known gate is in the Tasters Guild underground labyrinth, where the director is concocting a plan to destroy the land's hope and kill Ivy so she cannot restore the king. Taking many risks, making a few mistakes, and losing some friends along the way, Ivy and Rowan make it to the king only to discover that their quest is not nearly as easy as they first assumed.

Matched by Ally Condie

Cassia lives in a perfect Society. Her government makes sure that life is lived optimally, pre-planning everything from birth to death so that everyone can have the best life that they can have. Cassia is seventeen and everything is about to change for her. She is being matched to her optimal spouse, she is about to be assigned to her career, and her grandfather is turning eighty and going to die. The happiest night of her life is when the cracks start to show. She is matched to her best friend Xander, but later a different face, an acquaintance named Ky, is shown as her true match. Her grandfather shows her banned poems before his death, poems that make her wish that she could create instead of organize. Cassia's life is crumbling as she has to decide whether freedom of choice is worth the safety of everyone she loves. Her family is being watched, the Society seems to be pushing measures of equality further than are comfortable, and as Cassia starts to fall in love there are whispers of dissent.

When I started reading this I was strongly reminded of The Giver by Lois Lowry: sorting children into proscribed paths, pills to keep the masses calm, and how the the need for choice and independence of mind will eventually buck under a dictatorial government. Unfortunately the similarities ended there. There were good points, I enjoyed Cassia's interactions with her family and the burgeoning realization that she needed more out of life than what she was receiving. But I felt that the romance side was rather weak, which unfortunate as this is essentially a romance in the trappings of a Utopian dystopia.

13 Treasures by Michelle Harrison

Thirteen year old Tanya has grown up being able to see faeries. She is able to pass off their tricks as clumsiness, practical jokes, and bad luck, until her mother fed up with her misbehavior sends her to her grandmother's estate. That's right; not a house, cabin, shack, or apartment, but the large estate and manor that Tanya and her mother usually vacation at for a week during the summer. To say that Tanya and her grandmother have a disconnected relationship is an understatement, and the prospect of living with a woman who views with seeming disgust for unnumbered days is not a prospect that Tanya looks forward to. This is especially clear to Tanya as the faeries are become more malicious, the disappearance of a girl fifty years ago is related to her own family, and the only person to help her is weirdo Fabian the caretaker's son.

The Suburb Beyond the Stars by M.T. Anderson

The Norumbegans and the Thussar were at war for many years before deciding there was a more civilized way to settle their territory dispute: play a game. Each race chooses a human to represent them in the Game, a kind of labyrinth. The winner of the Game creates a new labyrinth for the next players. In the first of this series, The Game of Sunken Places, Brian and Gregory have been chosen to participate in the Game that Gregory's cousin, Prudence, has created. Brian was representing the Numrumbegans and Gregory was representing the Thussar and the boys worked out that they really, really wanted the Norumbegans to win. What with the Thussar being kind of really evil.

Now, Brian and Gregory are hard at work creating the next round of the Game, when an alien tries to kill Brian. Something seems to have gone wrong. The Thussar have become tired of the Game, and seem to be going for straight invasion. But sneakily. Brian and Gregory try to contact Prudence to find out what's going on, but Prudence has disappeared without a trace. The boys head back to Vermont to search for her, and find that the invasion is already well underway.

This was not quite my cup of tea. I have not actually read The Game of Sunken Places, and maybe that would have helped. There was enough explanation to get a pretty good idea of what had happened in the first book, but perhaps I would have understood the characters better. As it was, Brian seemed like an indecisive wimp and Gregory was an attention seeking, whinny, pain in the behind. My biggest issue with the book was that the writing seemed kind of...amateur. It was choppy, dragging in some places, speeding ahead in others, and the boy's dialogue was awkward and unrealistic. Reading this book and comparing it to Octavian Nothing is a considerable contrast, although they were obviously written for very different audiences.

However, this would an excellent choice for middle school boys. It has action, adventure, quests, war, aliens doing gross things, and boy heroes. It would also be a good high-low choice for a high school boy reading at a middle school level. It's quite short and zips right along, ending on a cliff hanger so clearly another book is coming.

Scott Pilgrim

So I figured I'd get on the bandwagon and see what the deal was about the Scott Pilgrim series by Bryan Lee O'Malley. Interesting artwork and plot line. It's set in Toronto which is fantastic, and it has an original main character. Scott Pilgrim is 23, unemployed, getting over a horrible breakup by dating a high school-er, lives off his friend's generosity, and is in a terrible band. Things start looking up when he meets Ramona Flowers, who he must fight for the honor of dating. Which he does, surrounded by crazy friends and a sarcastic sister.

I read the entire thing in half an hour. It was weird. I can see why it's popular, why it would make an awesome movie, but kind of a lame graphic novel. No lie. I think it's mostly because the "original main character" turned out to be kind of a loser: no job, no money, and technically cheating on his 17 year old girlfriend with Ramona Flowers who he's fighting the evil exes for. Oh did I mention that Scott has amazing fighting abilities? Which is his only redeeming quality, that he can fight. Perhaps I need to be sixteen and a boy to really appreciate this one. Or maybe I need to read more of the series to appreciate. But really I'd rather not.

Emily the Strange: Stranger and Stranger by Rob Reger

Emily is an evilish, gothish, punkish scientific genius who main goals in life seem to be constructing elaborate pranks to pull on unsuspecting people, painting large murals, skateboarding, guitar playing, and snuggling with her cats. Emily thinks it will be a FABULOUS idea to make a duplicating machine and duplicate herself but, gasp, things don’t work out as planed!

Not going to lie. I didn’t finish it. I didn’t have to though. I flipped around enough to confirm what I knew was going to happen happened. But really, should I expect more from a book based on a character from a sticker that promotes a skateboarding clothing line? I don’t think I should.

Ready? I’m going to spoil the book for you. If you don’t want it spoiled, stop reading now. I’m about to give it away. This is your last chance! ::SPOILER:: It turns out Emily didn’t duplicate herself at all! She split herself! So each part got some parts of her personality! One half of her is super evil and trying to destroy the world and kill the other half of her, which is not evil but just loves her cats and pranking and skateboarding! Now the not evil Emily has to figure out what zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh, I’m sorry. I drifted off. That’s enough for the spoiler. ::END OF SPOILER::

Right. So. Not Evil Emily was super dumb. How did she not figure this out? Maybe the Evil Emily got all the brains in the split. I don’t know. There’s nothing really redeeming about this book, aside from the fact that if you have reluctant readers who are familiar with the character, they might be into this

The Grimm Legacy

So I finished The Grimm Legacy by Polly Shulman about a week ago. Enter Elizabeth, our heroine, whose life somewhat reflects the fairy tales that she loves so much: distant father, horrible stepmother and stepsisters, and not a friend in the world. Enter Mr. Mauskopf (who I couldn't help visualizing as having a mouse on his head) who recommends that Elizabeth gets a job at the Circulating Material Repository. This is a library like no other, instead of specializing in books it loans out things! Rugs, wigs, tools, music, and things only whispered about that come from the Grimm Collection. Just as Elizabeth is figuring things out, making friends, and gaining the trust of those she works with disaster strikes when items are being stolen and friends are being threatened. The horror! Elizabeth must rise to the occasion or lose everything that she has worked for.

I have to admit that I didn't love it. The premise is great, who doesn't love the idea of an outsider finding her place at a quirky magical library? But what should really have been a more plot driven tale, I felt was bogged down by unlikable characters and a fractured storyline. I can't help but wonder if Ms. Shulman can either fix the book before publishing or grab enough attention to create a better sequel? I didn't hate it, but honestly I had such high hopes that I ended just being disappointed.